Written by JANE NO
“Mom, leave me alone!!!!”
Picture this: you are a parent struggling in your relationship with your teenager who seems not to want anything to do with you. No kisses goodbye at school, no “I love you's", and, God forbid, you try to hold their hand. It seems like your whole world and everything you know about parenting is slipping out of your hands.
Does my kid even like me anymore? Where did it all go wrong? Someone get me a tissue!
(Is that what you’re thinking? Feel free to interrupt.)
Your kid does not hate you.
In fact, you are not alone in this experience; many researchers have found that children at this age tend to try and act more like an “adult”, or become less reliant on their parents. As children stray from their parents' support, they end up seeking that of their peers and friends. No one is born to be independent, but as children get older, seeing the adults around them makes them want that same independence. Ultimately, it is a part of growing up and there’s not much that can be done to change that.
What you can do instead:
Tip #1: Try giving them some space.
Many children often find their parents to be overbearing, and because of this build a gap between themselves and their parents. Sometimes, you have to let your child come to you. It may take some time, but your child has to figure out who they are on their own. Reflect a bit on what kind of parent you are, and think about whether your parenting style is the most productive one in encouraging growth in your child.
Tip #2: Reassure your child.
If you give a child a compliment and an insult, chances are the insult will stick with them more. Even if they don’t reciprocate right away, let your child know you love them. The effect on your child will be positively exponential, and hearing those words will help them grow into the best people they can be.
Tip #3: Give yourself some grace.
Understand that you are not perfect and neither is your child, and that is okay. At the end of the day, everything is a learning experience, and while it’s important to keep yourself accountable when necessary, don’t be so hard on yourself for it.
Parenting isn’t something you master by reading a book, by taking a course, or even by reading a blog post written by a 16 year old. The only way to grow is through experience.
However, if you feel like you are starting to wear out mentally, it might be the best decision for both you and the ones you love to seek out help from professionals who are better suited to give you advice.
If you’re struggling to connect with your teen, YourPlace Therapy is here to help. Reach out today for professional support in navigating the challenges of parenting and strengthening your relationship.
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